Recovery Isn’t Linear, It’s a Messy and Long Winding Road
One of the most frustrating things when discussing any kind recovery is how there is this notion that you are going to be a neatly packaged 60 second sound byte of success without any missteps in quick fashion. Once whatever stimulus is hurting you (trauma, substances, PTSD, etc.) is removed, you’re going to be good as new in no time!
It’s a painful and damaging standard to hold oneself to, because real life isn’t like that, and neither is recovery. This line of thinking that the only path to success is the linear one without any kind of missteps, backslides, or rerouting is incredibly toxic and only reinforces the belief systems that reinforce the hallmarks of shame; making grace only available to those deemed worthy by the collective.
The truth is, recovery of any kind is messy because life is messy. Instead of basing benchmarks of progress on the external world, the thinking needs to be changed to having those milestones checked off internally. After all, you are the person you are 100% going to live the rest of your life with. That’s one of the few guarantees of this world.
While the culture has shifted into one of a more positive acceptance for those who, let’s face it, are recovering from something they had to survive, often that old-school thought of no victory for anything other than flawlessness is still out there stigmatizing the process.
When has anything in day to day life ever moved completely forward without any hiccups, and why don’t we give recovery the same amount of space? Why are we hard on the person who is literally trapped in an abusive situation without any resources to extricate themselves? Why is that considered a shameful moral failing of some kind? Why is the world ready to label the addict in recovery a failure and terminal lost cause after multiple relapses? Is it fair to offer more accountability to someone with a mental health diagnosis when they’re having a bad day? Why is someone grieving a loss always judged by what they ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be doing in their healing process?
The truth is, recovery is messy, ugly, and no different than any other valley in life. There will never be an end date to it where you throw off the covers on a beautiful morning, fling open the shutters, and announce to the world, “I’m all better now! Life is totally normal, and I’m fine!” In fact, you should worry about the people who state such things.
There’s no way around anything, and no way straight through it, either. You have to take the victories with the setbacks, and the twists and turns as they come. Give yourself grace and space at every stage of your recovery process to take the day as it comes, rewarding yourself with compassion and forgiveness. There are no Olympic medals handed out for white knuckling your way to some imaginary pinnacle of healing.
Honestly, whatever brought you into a recovery space is always going to be there. Nothing magically chases it away. The only thing that changes is how well you navigate the winding path of it, and lessen the impact it has on your day to day life. So, lace up your boots and just focus on putting one foot in front of the other as a member of the human race.
